Saying I have an autism spectrum disorder really makes me happy. I know if a parent were to be told that their beautiful young daughter had autism it wouldbe devastating. I on the other hand am at ease with the fact that I am an Aspie woman. Having had this my whole life it is a relief to finally know why I’ve always been different.
I began to speak at a very young age but never spoke baby talk, my mom often referred to me as a ‘little adult’ and that was fine with me. I had plenty of friends, they were usually my parents adult friends or the boys from my class. I found girls to complicated with their multi leveled systems of communication. I was blessed with a sister 7 years my senior who loved me and thought nothing of my odd behaviours, chalking them up to me being me. My early life was riddled with seizures and brain scans. Not a life I wish on anyone.
Whatever was making me behave these ways was overshadowed by the fact that my mother was suffering from manic depression which began prior to my birth, so my good grades and overall lack of rebellion were never questionned, just accepted.
My biggest problems stemmed from my choice in men later in my life. My first husband was a nice man, though he was emotionally distant and I feel too much but sometimes lack the ability to express it so that marriage failed. Before this I tried my hand at dating and had one successful high school relationship in part due to my boyfriends extreme intelligence and logic. I am now in a happy relationship with a man who is highly intelligence and very understanding of me and my ways. Though he is not at all autistic he is a rocket scientist and works in a field which is filled with people like me.
I have difficulty making emotional attachments and have throughout my life thought that having only one or two friends was plenty. That being said when I do form an attachment it is extreme and dedicated and the pain I feel when it ends is palpable. I have feelings and care deeply and resent when people tell me I do not.
The stereotypes shown in the media of Autism and Asperger’s are both positive (Sheldon on Big Bang Theory) and negative (see Boston Legal and Grey’s Anatomy). I can relate more to Sheldon as I have a few friends, I am obsessed with my academic research and do not like changes in my routine….I am not a rambling and completely unsympathetic monster and I can function in society.
I am proud of who I am. Autism is part of who I am but it does not define me. I am an academic, a writer, a friend, a loving dog owner and most importantly a soon to be wife.
